One Day...

October 18, 2012

One day I just decided to look through my 4 year old journal which I haven't updated ever since last year. One of 
my last entries struck me the most, and I want to share it to all of you today. (Honestly, I don't remember 
writing any of this) Here it is:

Today I thought....
Wow, this is such a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and everyone had a good time. The day after my brother's birthday. 
March 19, 2011.
In the morning I woke up, went downstairs and ate my cereal. Nothing unusual happened, though. It was a normal Saturday morning. I grabbed the newspaper and read comics, then went upstairs to use the laptop.
In the afternoon, my parents left, to vist my grandfather, Lolo Yats, who was currently in the hospital. They left, and from that moment, I didn't care. I completely forgot why they left me at home. I was selfish, selfish and spoiled. I continued using the laptop all afternoon while my brother was studying for his exams. I was exempted, so I didn't need to. Once again I was completely ignorant and selfish, I didn't even notice that my grandfather was in the hospital, suffering from pneumonia.
When it was night time, my parents finally came home, and I didn't even ask how he was doing. I didn't ask if he was feeling better (or worse) and instead, my eyes and attention were stuck to the laptop screen.
Dinner was ready, we ate and I enjoyed the wonderful 'turbo chicken' that my maid cooked for us. I ate chocolate cake after and it felt like my grandfather didn't exist. We had such a good time on the table, with laughs and stories. My cousin came over to pick up my grandmother and other grandfather (his brother) to visit him back in the hospital. I didn't have the care in the world. All I heard was 'hospital', 'pneumonia', and bits and pieces.
After they left, my mom and I went upstairs to watch tv, telling stories, talking and whatnot. 
So why did I keep on mentioning him? Well that's because when I was in my room, desperately trying to figure out how to perfectly turn a pencil around my fingers, that's when I heard my mom call my name. "Jianine..." She said. She didn't seem mad, or happy, or sad. So the second time she called me, I stood up and went to her. I thought she was going to make me do an errand.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Come here." my mom said.
I came closer and she whispered in my ear, "Lolo (grandfather) Yats died already." 
That's when it hit me. I nodded and rushed into her room and started crying. I don't know why I was crying so hard..I just...did. No matter how hard I tried not to, it was just so overbearing to hear. It reminded me of 2 years ago, suddenly my parents heard that my other grandfather (father's side) had a heart attack. They came back from the hospital, and just like that, they told me he passed.
Two grandfathers, I thought. I lost them both when I couldn't care less of what happened before.
My mom said to pray for him. I did.
"He was such a great uncle, grandpa and father to all of us, Lord." she stated in her prayer. My brother already knew, and we both just sat there, and listened to my mother on the phone as she told all of our other relatives about the bad news.
My father was the last to know. He was just watching television, and I remember the last thing he told me before my mom said the bad news to me, "The chair, Jianine! Move the chair. I can't see [the T.V.]" he told me to move a chair out of the tv screen. I guess I didn't feel as guilty for thinking of myself so much the whole day anymore.
...And that's how my Saturday went. Besides, a grandfather passing away isn't a bad thing. God was calling him to be a part of his eternal happiness, that's all.

He will forever be in our hearts, rest in peace, Lolo Yats. 

- - - - - - - - - - - 

This is what I love about journals, especially when you look back at it years after. It's like having a peek on
this little happy-go-lucky adventurous kid who is excited about everything in their life and they want to share it
to a notebook. Then you find out that kid is you and you smile at those memories you jotted down instead
of keeping them in your labyrinth of a brain. I highly encourage everyone to make one if they never did, and 
continue if they already started. It's very very fun, I assure you all. No regrets (just love, hihi)

p.s. I just read "the Fault In Our Stars" By John Green and it made me cry. You should read it.
p.p.s. Sorry for not updating that much anymore. I still love you guys! 

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