On the Life and Loss of

October 11, 2013

On September 20, 2013, I was in my friend Audrey's house. We watched movies, ate pizza, and sang a lot. I got a text from my mom at about 6:00pm telling me to "storm the heavens" because they were trying to revive my grandfather. So, I quietly went into the bathroom and did just that, and maybe cry. When I went out, I texted her back saying what happened. 

She told me that he already passed.
I started breaking down in front of my friends, which was totally fine yet weird. I went to the hospital a few minutes after that, but then I started to realize it was too late. I couldn't stop blaming myself for not trying to make more of an effort to be with him, talk to him, say thank you, make small talk in the dinner table instead of chatting with my friends in the iPad. (though, I have to eventually stop. thinking that way doesn't solve anything)

That morning, before I went to school, I peeked in his room. He was sitting in his favorite reclining dark green chair, an oxygen tank beside him. My grandmother sitting on the bed next to the chair, I said "Bye" to them both. The weeks after that went by so fast. If it wasn't much for what happened, I would say I was happy. I was happy that he's not suffering anymore, that I got to spend more time with family, that we got closer to God. And I'm happy that when I last looked at him lying down, he had a smile on his face.

My mom confessed to me one night, though. This was already about 3 weeks after.
"Sometimes, I still cry when I think about him. Is that normal?"
And I nodded.

His story's too long to tell, so many things that make me say I'm proud to be his granddaughter. He writes so well, is so smart, kind, quiet and humble. He also has a blog, we printed some of his posts and made a "wall" about his life in the wake. My mom also received an e-mail from him, three days before he died.

There were three documents. He gave us an idea about his schooling, houses and work. 
We planned to go and have a road trip on his birthday, October 3. Visit the different houses, schools, and churches in his life.
Of course, we still kept our promise.
I love you, lolo 'O.

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  1. Hugs to you, Jianine. Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man, and I know from previous posts that he was a special person in your life.

    My dad always says that death happens because the world is broken, and that it feels wrong because it is. We aren't supposed to lose the people we love, so it's awful when we do.

  2. Oh, Jianine... I will be praying for you and your family; even though weeks have passed, it is still hard. It's always hard not to think back, wishing that we had done things differently; wishing that we could tell them how much we appreciate them, and how much we miss them now.

    Your grandfather sounds like a very special man, and I know you will always treasure the memories you have.


  3. I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I will pray for you and your family. Be strong and I hope everything will be fine soon.
    Your pictures actually tell it all. Your grandfather sounds like a very fine man. It's good that you're able to say you're proud to be his granddaughter!

  4. I know you've probably heard this so much recently, but I truly am sorry about your grandfather, Jianine. My great-grandfather passed little over a month ago, and though I wasn't close to him because his mind was rarely there (he had Alzheimer's, I believe) it still hurt. Still does hurt, actually. And I know you've probably heard this too and it's cliche and overdone and everything... it gets better. I promise. *hugs*

  5. This was a Lovely post! May God bless you and your family!!
    My prayers are with you(:

  6. I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know it can be really hard. I just lost my grandfather a few months ago. I will pray for your family. BTW I love your blog and pictures. I am a new follower! : )